EMIT

Good morning,

I was going through some things mentally this morning. Time? What is time? John Baldwin Buckstone said that time was made for slaves. I'm always thinking about it though. "What time is it?" "what time do I have to be there?" when is the right time to settle down?" "I'm getting older...my time is running out!" "It's about time you got here!" Man, I need to kill some time and just live! I need to stop thinking about time and just do it! I mean, whatever it is that I want to do. People are always talking about other people oppressing Them, but we oppress ourselves by becoming slaves to time and feeling like we can't do something because there's not enough time. Older people tell us that some things are before our time. Time ain't nothing but a Coo-Coo clock. Peace~

Civileyes Thoughts

When I was younger I wanted to be an actor so that I could portray a great character on stage. I became older and thought perhaps I will live my life in such a way that great actors will audition to portray me.

Author: Stephen Bess

Morning of Discontent

"In the consciousness of the truth he has perceived, man now sees everywhere only the awfulness or the absurdity of existence... and loathing seizes him."Author: Nietzche

 

Good morning!

You know, one can observe the problems of the world riding the subway train. I mean, every deadly sin can be accounted for from pride to lust. I am not being judgemental because I am definitely not free of sin. I sat on the train this morning and observed wrath and envy. Actually, I see this everyday with our school age youth on the train. Unfortunately, it is the girls that are in an uproar. "I don't like that bitch anyway...I wish she would say something to me." Watch out! There's a "Girl Fight" featuring Big Boi and Lil Jon. Pump your fist! Kill that bitch! Throw your hands in the air! Snatch out that hoes hair! Somebody scream! Stop!

Our girls are trying to kill each other and hip-hop is celebrating it with an anthem? How absurd is that? In the words of Marvin Gaye, "Who really cares...who is willing to try to save our world...to save a world that destined to die." This is where the loathing comes in. If you are a conscious observer in this world that we live you can't help but be affected by the absurdity and ignorance that is displayed on a daily. Ahh!!! to be young and not have a care in the world. The 18th century poet, Thomas Gray said that "ignorance is bliss." I'm sorry but my discontent is heightened by what I see everyday. I won't even mention the situation with our young men. The media will have you believe that it is just a Black thing or Brown problem, but kids everywhere are in trouble. The older generation needs to grab these children one at a time or in a group if we can and hip them to what's really going on in this world. Everyone is responsible: parents, teachers, community, rappers, sports figures, politicians, and the damn homeless! WAKE UP!!! Peace~

PS Have a great day! :)

NY AND WHY

Ahhhhh...another Monday morning. It was a fantastic weekend! I've been on the road so much lately. This weekend I was in New York. I went to see Julius Ceasar at the Belasco Theater. It was a fantastic show! Denzel Washington starred as Brutus. He was superb! I also got to hang out a little in the Village and SOHO. I like the bohemian atmosphere of the little shops, restaurants and bookstores. I got this great hardcover book for $7.00 titled, Multi-America: Essays on Cultural Wars & Cultural Peace. It's a little cheaper on Amazon, but I didn't know that the book even existed in the first place. New York as a whole was intoxicating! She is the girl that I love, but can't trust. Times Square looked like a peaceful riot. If you take the time you can feel the energy of the city. I feel that sort of thing in my legs. So, here I am back at my desk typing these words in my web journal. I'm back in Washington and wondering what my life will be like in 10mins. Peace~

Searchin'...

"Vocations which we wanted to pursue, but didn't, bleed, like colors, on the whole of our existence. "
Author: Honore de Balzac

It's Friday!!!!!!!! Yes, I am like this every Friday. Yes, it's Steve the ultimate soul searcher. Seriously, I do more soul searching than Chuck Brown. There are other souls out there like me trying to find their way and looking for that glimmer of light that will lead them in the right direction. There is one thing that I understand about myself though; I want to create! I've always been an artist at heart. I mean everything from painting, playing an instrument, sculpting---you name it. Now, it's only fair to say that I have never been trained at either of those crafts; however, I am fair with a paint brush. As I grow older I realize more and more how important it is to pursue that which gives you most joy. "Material thangs that I thought had so much val-yah...ah girl I found they didn't really have any val-yah at all..." Sang Lionel! It's true though. Go for yours! Follow your dreams! Look inside your heart and you will find your true calling. Don't be slave to Louie V and Gucci. Don't be a slave to a house that you can't afford with an SUV in the driveway. Ok, that might be easier for me to say because I don't have any of those things, but you know I'm right. :) By the way, I'm not saying that it's not alright to have these things, but you should be able to live comfortably with them. Overall, be true to you and live your dreams. You might as well get what you want so go on and live. Have a great weekend! Peace~

Crazy Love

Good morning,

I saw a woman that I know on the train this morning. We exchanged greetings and how have you beens and then we got on the subject (somehow?) of human sexuality. Oh...I know what happened. I saw a woman getting off of the train and she had on this skirt that was very short and it didn't seem to have enough material to accomodate her very round and ample posterior. I noticed her and sort of giggled to myself. It wasn't the sort of giggle that was making fun of the woman I was just being a little "mannish." I would never allow a woman to see me respond to her body if I don't have that type of relationship with her. Anyway, the woman on the train stated that women dress this way because they are trying to attract men. I assured her that a woman does not have to put her body on display for a man to respond to her. I then admitted that there are men who encourage such behavior in women. "Men are sending mixed signals," she stated. I agreed; however, I can only speak for myself.

I think people as sexual beings give each other mixed signals when it comes to attraction. Some think that it's the car the other drives or the kind of job the man or woman has. There are others who feel like the perfect body is the answer or maybe the highest intellect. Some even feel like they should act as ignorant or "thuggish" as possible to attract their prefered partner. It's crazy out there! Well, maybe that's what makes it all so very exciting. We never really know what we're going to get? Right, Forrest? This is why it is important to investigate and get to know a person. We can then decide if we can deal with their particular craziness. Then again, we all have something about us that is a little crazy. Once we've found "the" one, we can hopefully live happily ever happy -- crazy together -- in this crazy ass world. Peace~

Precious moments

Good morning!

It was a little difficult getting up this morning. I got in from North Carolina around 10:00pm and once I got settled in I slept clean through the night. It was a great little getaway despite the circumstances. I went to North Carolina to show support for my long time friend, Anthony, whose mother succumbed to Cancer last week. It's amazing how those tragic moments in life can bring about such pleasant ones in return. I got a chance to see a lot of friends whom I haven't seen in years. They were all there to support our friend who needed us. We hugged and embraced as we all met at Keisha's house. We talked about our lives and marveled at how much we've changed and how much we haven't. We listened to music, ate pizza, drank and laughed. It was at that moment that I realized my life and how precious it is. I appreciated seeing my friends, but I also appreciated the fact that I've evolved since High school. I'm not the same insecure teenager begging for their acceptance and friendship. I'm no longer part of group of kids competing for senior favorite. I stood there as a proud individual. I realized my manhood. Yep, it was that serious. :)

The best of that time in North Carolina was spent with my 86 year old grandfather. I got up yesterday morning and fixed him breakfast. I usually take over that task when I visit because my aunt does it all the time. He gets up at around 5:30 am and turns on the Western channel. Hip surgery has retired him to a chair in front of the television. So, he sits in front of that TV in his green lounge chair and he watches Westerns all day. It's funny because he could be the commentary on a Western DVD. He'd make little comments about individual cowboys and he even mentioned how early settlers eradicated the Native Americans that lived on the land. In between the mascares and bar fights on the televison we would have conversations. They were mostly about his life and his accomplishments. They were not huge milestones, but they were special to him and I respected that. I have so much to thank him for as a man. Well, it's time for my 10:15 am tea. Peace~

I'm So Glad...

Good morning-

It's Friday!!! What more can you say about that if you are the Monday-Friday 9 to 5er like I am. I'm living for the weekend like the O'Jays. I love the weekend especially this time of year. I want to describe a typical weekend in the life of Stephen. Friday night is always up in the air. I may do just about anything from going out to Happy Hour or going out on a date. There are those Fridays when I don't feel like anything and I just stay in and watch a movie. I get a fresh start Saturday morning with a nice little workout and a trip to Salvation Army store on H St. I may head over to Eastern Market if I'm in the mood for a nice crowd. You can find some really great stuff there. Friday night and Saturday night are both freestyle unless I've made plans. Daytime is for reading, relaxation and hanging out. The next thing you know it is Sunday and the weekend is coming to an end. Sunday is whatever I feel like. It may be a day of recovery from the night before or an attempt to redeem myself with a religious service. Every now and then I'll head out to a nice brunch with friends or family. At any rate, in the words of Debbie Deb weekends were made for fun! Ya'll don't know anything about Debbie Deb unless you were in High School in the 80's. You'd have to be at least 30 something. Ok, I'm out. Have a great weekend. Peace~

The Sweetest Thing I've Ever Known.....

Good morning-

This mornings walk to the subway was cool and brisk. I love the feel of the cool air on my face. It wakes up my senses and it makes me feel more alive. Life is beautiful and sweet. There is beauty in the moment that you see a June bug (rare in DC), or some other beautiful rare thing. It's the little things that mean so much. They are life's sweetners. If you put a little bit of sweetness into your daily existence the day would taste so much better. Yes! Life can leave a bad taste in your mouth sometimes.

This web diary is part of my quest to develop good habits. I want to read and write more and watch less television. Televison can rob you of your ambition. I can't let that happen! What are good habits vs. bad habits? Who decides that? I think that I decide what is good vs bad in terms of my habits. My cousin, Gary says that it is a matter of personal perception and how the individual perceives things. I believe that. Well, I won't get off into any ontological theories, but I just wanted to talk about that for a moment.

I am about to go on my break in a minute. I have my tea every morning at 10:15. It's one of my good habits. I prefer ginger tea with lemon and honey. It's just the right elixir to start my day off and it leaves a sweet taste. God bless my friend, Anthony Blount in Williamston, NC. His mother passed away yesterday. We called her Miss Loraine. Peace~

Photo:  A cup of coffee with plenty of cream

This Is Always

Good morning everyone-

I am reflective today. I sometimes stop and take a look at my life to assess where I am headed. I think that it started this morning as I noticed the trees. They are beginning to bud and some have bloomed with these beautiful and colorful arrangements. The scene triggered some thoughts and memories and I was set adrift on a memory bliss. I also thought of my life 5 years from now. Again, I wondered what my life will be like?
The other day, I was listening to a Jazz cd by an artist named King Pleasure. He was popular back in the day with his vocal styling that made James Moody's song, "Moody's Mood For Love" popular. In one of his songs he sings, "I'm so in love with where I've been but afraid of where I'm going..." I believe that phrase sort of encompasses what I somtimes feel about my life. However, I believe in my heart that I can control my destiny. I know that I am going to be afraid sometimes, but If I have an action plan I can have some say in my destination. Fear? Fear is good to a certain extent as long as it doesn't control me. I know that it is easier said than avoided. Fear has certainly held me back on occasion in every aspect of my life. It has also propelled me to the next level when I was determined to triumph over it. I am sustained by self-determination and prayer. I am going to continue to strive for my goals in life and I want you to do the same. We all have the potential to do something great even if it's only noticed by a few. Take care and embrace the sun. Peace~

Come on...be nice

Hello everyone-

I'll be brief this morning. I had one of those moments just a few minutes ago. It's one of those moments that remind you of who you are (physically) and how some people in the world view you. It was a moment that should have simply elevated me, but it sort of let me down. Ok...I was in the lobby of my building just about to get on the elevator. There were two other people getting on at the same time. I got on the elevator and we proceeded to go up. The atmosphere grew thick with silence as the two people ceased the talking that was taking place before they entered. So, I thought that I would be friendly by saying "hello." I got nothing but silence and a weird and almost constipated smile from the woman. Do you think that they were uncomfortable with my presense because I am a Black man? I don't know, but if that wasn't the case they were still rude! Thank you and have a nice day. Peace~

A Fresh Perspective

Good morning-

This weekend was interesting to say the least. I had a great time in Chicago and seemed to experience nearly every inch of the town. It was a great mini vacation. One of the most interesting aspects of that trip was the ride. I rode shotgun with my cousin and a friend of his, and the conversations ranged from politics to religion. We also talked about relationships and marriage. In fact, we talked about everything  men talk about when they are locked in a car for 10 hours. Right? The men I talked to in that car had a positive attitude towards life and the women they loved (including their mothers). They viewed the world with an opened mind and did not accept just one explanation. They gave their own theories about the plight of man with supported evidence. I listened and also gave my view on things. It was both refreshing and thought provoking. It is a rare occasion that I get to engage in such discourse. It's great mental stimulation -- cerebral aerobics. It is great practice and it forces me to take a stand on something.
Anyway, besides that I ate, drank and laughed my way through a beautiful weekend in the mild and sunny city of Chicago.
Well, it's back to work and my daily routine. The great thing is that I enjoyed that world too. In keeping the spirit of my excursion, I'd like to make a toast: here's to great conversation, tolerance, and good friends! (esp. my dear friend on the South Shore. God bless you). Peace~

Locomotive Reflection

Jean Toomer, 2oth Century writer, described himself as "locomotive." He said that it was difficult for him to stay in one place. He moved around from a very early age and it continued thruoughout his life. Jean Toomer died in 1967 and past that locomotive spirit to me and many others. I can't seem to stay still for more than a couple of years. Some might say that I have a restless spirit or that I am unstable. Others might say that I am adventurest and inquisitive about the world that I am in. I think that I am just locomotive. I haven't had the experience of traveling the world much since I left the Navy. I couldn't appreciate traveling then. I don't care where my ship, the USS Theodore Roosevelt would dock I would get off and look for the nearest MacDonalds or some other fast food joint. Nowadays, I like to think of myself as having more sophistication when it comes to traveling. Now, I would instead look for a TGIF or Bennigans. :) No, I would try cuisine that is part of that culture and community.
This weekend I am going to Chicago. I will be nestled just off the South Shore in a friends Condo. I love that town! I've even considered moving there. While I'm there I will see the sites and partake of local cuisine. I will devour all that it has to offer and appreciate the moment for what it will be. This will be my last entry until my return on Monday. Have a great weekend and be still until I return. Peace~

Knowledge Reigns Supreme

Today is another beautiful day in DC. This means great weather two days in a row. I guess it's safe to say I have spring fever. It was very difficult to get out of bed this morning. I finally got myself going and got out of my apartment on schedule. The commute was pleasant. I got some reading done on the train, but that is usual. I always read on the train despite the many distractions. I am on this campaign to read more books and watch less television. It has been working! It is all in my efforts to become a more effective educator. I also feel that it will better prepare for what is to come. So, I seek knowledge and pray for wisdom. Knowledge + Wisdom = Understanding. This journey started when I was young.

I have been infactuated with knowledge since I was boy, but I was always afraid to approach her. She seemed larger than life and beyond my realm of comprehension. I would come close enough just to get a little of what she had to offer me. I didn't get too close because my peers would tease me and girls would call me soft. I became older and that infactuation turned into true love. Now, I spend time with her and I've been trying lately to give her the attention she deserves. Knowledge gives me light where there was darkness. She gives clarity to things that were once murky. Knowledge also dispels myths and conjectures that I once thought true. She broadens my vocabulary and allows me to express myself more clearly. She is my sunshine and my light. She is my true love. Anyway, I am beginning to ramble. I will leave on this note. Make this a fantastic and wonderful day! Peace~

Just A Day In The Life Of...

Today is a beautiful day here in Washington, D.C. We are going to get up to 70 degrees today! I love it when the weather breaks because people are usually more cheerful. As I walked from the subway station, I could smell the faint scent of Spring, and the smell of a lady's perfume. The smells took me to a special place, and gave me happy thoughts. I thought of nice walks, Saturday nights, and Summer vacations. They were cocoa-butter thoughts and butter-scotch dreams. People are starting to wear colors again. I saw a lot of pink with the ladies as well as some solids, and some with flowers. Men? We are still sticking with beige, blue, and a little brown. Some of us are stepping it up with a little red, and maybe electric blue. :) Me? Oh, I am chilling with khakis and a jean shirt. I threw on my nice chocolate colored sports jacket and a ball cap to accessorize. I'm sort of an urban prep? Well, it's just my style. Anyway, I hope that your day will be as fantastic as mine will be. Peace~

The First Cut

This is my first day on Blogger! I am very excited about blogger and my future postings. Also, today is the first Monday after Daylight Savings and I am still a day late and a dollar short. Peace~